All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
