HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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