my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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