why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
