I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
