mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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