Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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