i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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