No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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