weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
