he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I looked at my own cervix.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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