When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
