Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
