Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
