Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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