What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
