Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
