She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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