I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
love makes seman taste better
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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