So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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