member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
