I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize