I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
