what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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