Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
