Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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