did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
