I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
