i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
