That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
