Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
