I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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