i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
