just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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