She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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