We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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