Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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