I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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