Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
