She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
