I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
