Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need a beard to bite.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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