I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
