had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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