Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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