the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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