Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
