sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
