The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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