She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
