does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
