No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
