he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
