We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you would pick up someone in the library
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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