Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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