No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
