he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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