I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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