i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
